You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
