Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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