i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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