Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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