im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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