if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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