Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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