Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
