I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
