I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
