maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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