im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
