I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
