So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
