$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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