I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
