If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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