she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
