She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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