so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
