I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i think i just lost a toe
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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