So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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