I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
