We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wow bdsm is so cute
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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