She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
