Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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