are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
