Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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