i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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