Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
