On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
