; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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