I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
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