you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
