Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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