I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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