Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
