He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
