u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
