Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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