Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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