So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
