Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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