Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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