He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
