you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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