I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
