i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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