got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
