The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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