normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
