it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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