I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
