Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
