I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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