Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am one with the molecules
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
