So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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