dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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