hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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