people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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