Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
