shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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