is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
