I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
