I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
