dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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