he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
