just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize