great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
