You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just want nice things and good sex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
