All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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