Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
