Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
