yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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