He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
