So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
