mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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