No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
