We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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