i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
