put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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