I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
