I accidentally had phone sex last night
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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